Sovereign Love!

   What am amazing God that we serve. Today I went to church by myself which is unusual but I am so happy! The sermon was about Why bad things happen to good people. Recently I have been feeling more and more agitated about not being able to bare a child when so many other people around me have children and either don't give their best effort or care (in my opinion). Immediately I was chastised for being judgmental reminded in Romans about who is holy..No one. Then he spoke about Job and how he was blameless and when he lost everything he still said, "Blessed be the name of Lord.". I now know that this journey is to bless the Lord. Through this circumstance I am to find how I can praise God. Through this blog I can bring attention to Infertility but also to God's grace and love and through it all, say Blessed be the name of Lord. No matter what the end of this will be I will praise the Lord. I know that if he chooses for us not to be parents that he will give me the grace to accept his will but I also trust that God answers prayer, so it will just be a little while and he will answer pray and give us our hearts desire. I am to trust God through this. I think God for today and for all the blessings I have at this moment because just like Job in one moment it could all be taken away!

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,    and naked I will depart.^[c]
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;     may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21)

Another small bump in the road!

Well found out that I ovulated this month and had a small follicle so my transfer will be June 16th instead of May now. I don't feel that upset though, I just feel it all happens in God's time. We have tickets to a Cubs game and I am going to enjoy myself. I will deal with this cycle the next time! All is well, all will happen when it is suppose to but then again another change!

Update on IVF and other stuff

What an amazing week? Find out that another friend my be soon battling cancer. I got a very high fever last night and I started my next cycle of IVF drugs last week. I hope this doesn't cause any problems. I go in for my baseline ultrasound tomorrow and then we are heading to the big shot time. On other fronts my husband has been super affectionate and sweet. It is amazing! We painted the first two rooms in our house. We are heading in the right direction in the house and hopefully will be able to plan for a baby soon!

SokoSunflower

Ready for the next month!

Happy Sunday,

Today is a day of prep mentally for the next month. We start our injections again tomorrow and then we will again find out if we are pregnant. Happily I also will see my family in a month and so I too have that to look forward to. I am somewhat apprehensive but excited. Deep down I feel this will be a great result but as always I don't want to get to excited. It is not a matter of trusting God just protecting my own psyche. I firmly believe we will be parents within the next year. I know that faith is the focus. The Lord has great things for us. On the other side of my life, hubby and I had a blast last night, hanging out and being a couple. We are ready for a family for sure but truly enjoy our nights that we can spend together like newlyweds!

SokoSunflower

Feeling a little awkward

Today was a busy day, I had a terrible headache, followed by a commitment to my neighbors to keep their kids. I loved every moment of it, that only problem was keeping to kids increased my desire. I guess I am usually so removed from little ones that I don't have time to miss it. It is also hard I guess to miss something you have never had. I just see these smart beautiful children, hear my husband talk about how our little girl would be and my heart breaks. I want to give him this joy and I want to share it with him. To hear the thoughts of a child and to know in your heart you will give you child the best life possible. I just really want this and I hope that we can see this through. I hope God fulfills our desire. I often am so broken, I am hopeful today but still deeply saddened by the amount of patience I am having to display.

Happy Resurrection Day 2012

Celebrating our Lord and Saviors resurrection was overwhelming this morning. We all went to church this morning and were able to take a Easter Lilly and card to our neighbor who lost her grandfather yesterday. I truly feel blessed to have my husband and son by my side on this beautiful Easter Sunday. We are being lazy watching the Masters and awaiting Mikey's fantastic ribs made in his brand new smoker. On my mind today is the grace of God to allow his son to die for my sin and then the amazing resurrection three days later proving to the world that he is the only true and living God. I also feel a great sense of urgency to have baby, I want to take a little one to Easter egg hunts and watch our baby sing in the church choir as all the little ones did today. My hearts desire is the raise a wonderful little girl or boy in the awe and wonder of our God. I can't wait to listen to my little one utter the Lord's prayer as I did when I was small and to see the true trust in God displayed by the innocent. I know that the Lord wants to give us the desire of our heart. Hoping you all are having a blessed Easter.

The beginning..

I decided that the best way to express this journey is to blog the ups and downs and all the blessings in between. I personally have a amazing story that I will post at a later time but I thought that having a forum to express my feelings would be the best way to deal with the constant battle of infertility. I am happy that you have decided to be a part of my life and share in our world.