A little bit of hope!

Our third cycle resulted in a negative. What do you think as a 34 year old woman who has endured 67 operations and countless defeat think what's next. I know God is able. Faith is the issue. The funny thing is we prayed the night before the test not for a positive result but for grace to accept God's will. The ability to accept all that God has for us and ask for no more than what he wants to give. I am persuaded that God will allow us to have a child together. So the plan..the doc wants to see if my immune system is killing our babies. Women that suffer from endometriosis (which we are not sure that I have) often have an exaggerated Tcell response that destroys the embryos. If that is so, then I will get IVIG or intralipids to help with that battle and hope to move on. The next step is to keep tryiing we have 10 embryos left and that means until the last second we will try. We pray for grace in that our children are already created and the Lord must bless us with them . I know that one thing is for sure every breath our children breath is blessed every evening when Jarvis comes from work safe and sleeps in our home I know we are blessed, he is happy and healthy and a blessing to us everyday. His brothers are missed and we pray for their safety. I know to have found my soulmate, be able to have a beautiful family is a blessing. I also know that there is nothing I won't do to have our baby. No needle or anesthesia or anything will keep  me from trying. With all that I am , I am a MOM.

Welcome August!

August, is just going to be a fun-filled month! Today I had my ultrasound preparing for transfer and our lining is already measuring 11mm. I am excited it is already in the double digits. In one week I will be home in VA after not having been home for two full years. The following week we are going to become parents with transfer being on the 16th.

At the same time we are planning a super fantastic trip to the Dominican Republic in January. I am a little apprehensive because we may be pregnant by that time and I won't be sure if I will be able to go but we shall see! I will be past the worry period so flying shouldn't be an issue. With so many things going on time is just flying by and I am definitely having fun! Life is good and very full!

I guess it is time to update!

   Well this last month has been the part of the roller coaster that has your stomach in knots and just when it seems it will calm down it doesn't. After our negative last month I decided to get a little aggressive and act like a nurse. We are amping up the process this time. I went in last week for an endometrial scraping, we are also going to do a HCG wash and acupuncture before and after the transfer. We are pulling out all the stops this time. This just seems like the scariest transfer of all because if we don't get pregnant after all this I really don't know what else to do.
   God is definitely in control though. Last week I had the hardest time emotionally I have had in the entire 16 months we have been battling against infertility. I actually felt sad for the first time. I prayed for myself...and God answered. My husband came home from work planned and amazing evening and by ten pm I was laughing. It is amazing when God gives you a best friend that will help you through this time. I am so grateful of my faith in the Lord because honestly I don't know how families who do not believe in the Lord go through this. I have to take comfort that no matter what I do all I am really doing to waiting on the Lord to bless.
  I did however have a moment of shear anger three weeks ago. I get all this messages from people that are parents about adopting or just being happy. They don't seem to understand that infertility is more than just being a parent to a child. It is also about loving your spouse and about feeling like a woman. I know that when the times comes no matter what my husband I will raise a child together. I know that I have been blessed with more than I deserve with 5 beautiful kids and one amazing young man that I have the joy of helping to raise. I also am a woman who loves a man that wants to share a child with him. I always find it amazing though that those with children always give the best advice.  But if they were asked to give up their child they would not budge. They would fight and die to have their child but for some reason they cannot understand us. This is a battle. It is hard, it is not for weak or the faint in heart. One thing is for sure my child will be loved, desired and not be a burden. My life will be devoted to raising a Godly boy or girl who values other people. I cannot say what adult they will become but I know the same heart that I give to the children I have now I will give to them. I pray for those who do not have compassion or just a lack of understanding.
   Pray for me and I will pray for you , until Aug 16th when the miracle happens.
I will speak things as though they were today and forever. We love you babies and we are waiting to meet you!

Still on the Roller Coaster

Well, sadly I got the BIG Negative yesterday again. It is more sad than anything. I am grateful however that I have a beautiful family. Thankfully to my Kids Mom, I have been blessed to see five beautiful healthy children have fun and laugh. I know that God has a time for us and I am still faithful in believing that in HIS time we will be blessed  with the child God has created for us. As we continue on this journey please pray for strenght and security in Christ and his divine will for our lives. Encourage us and ask God to heal our hearts. This too shall pass!

Enduring the 2WW!

On last Sat June 16th we had our transfer of two beautiful little embryos. As usual I did my video message to my babies in case they survive! After my procedure, I told the nurses how blessed I felt that God allows us to try this and that he creates life but we are just keeping the mind busy while God does the true creating. The nurses were both tearful and expressed their gratitude for me telling them that I appreciate this journey. As the week is progressing, I am having some cramping on and off. The nurse told me to drink more water and rest often. She said the medicine can cause it. As far as my two friends going through IVF, one found out she is Pregnant and one found out she is not. I truly felt devastated for my friend who is not. All the raw emotions of the day I found out that my test was negative came back and I just felt like I wanted to reach through the phone and take her pain away. I do not wish this road on anyone especially those I love. I know that God has a plan for us all but this is just so difficult to hear. As far as me, I am happy and just waiting to see what Gods plan is next. Professionally, I am taking a gamble right now, applying for a higher position even though I know that I may not be as qualified as I need to be.

This weekend is going to be a big weekend our younger two boys will be here visiting. I am excited to see them and also to have out family together. Our daughter comes in on Wed so they will all be here for the news good or bad. I look forward to the time with them. I will check back in when I have some news. Until then take a peek at our babies before transfer! They are soooo cute!

Enjoying the roller coaster.

This last month has been an intensely fun event. We have been visiting family and friends, having bbqs and just enjoying being married almost two years in August. I can say this last few months has been amazing for our marriage. I just love that guy. I was blessed to have my best friend visit which offered complete joy and nostalgia!
June 4 and 8 I had an ultrasound to check my cervix getting ready for Saturday's transfer. All is well my lining looks great. I am however very calm this time. I have been blessed with two friends that are going through IVF right now as well and we have all been a comfort to one another. I have been more of a comfort because I am at peace right now. I feel so blessed that God gave me the desire to share may story and over the last three months I know my other purpose is to be a support to these other women. It is amazing when you are busy caring for others your own struggle isn't so hard to bare.

I am definitely ready for Saturday because the shear joy of thinking we could possibly have a postive pregnancy from this cycle is amazing. I however have a very busy week heading to a Detroit ball game at Wrigley and seeing family on Sunday for Father's Day. I so wish I can give hubby the ulitmate Father's day gift of baby news. I have decided Saturday will be called babyday! Wish me blessings. Hope all of you are well, be blessed!

Fun weekend, on the road again.

We had a fantastic family weekend in Atlanta. Seeing my family again renews my desire for a baby not just for my own personal desires but for may family. My Mom would be so elated and my niece would feel the joy of having a cousin. I looked around and thought how blessed our child would be to be a part of this amazing family . I got to see my wedding video, which was awe inspiring as well to think that was only two years ago,so much has happened since that day. We started Lupron shots on  this past Friday and will go in for baseline ultrasound on Friday this week. I am looking forward to getting started and the busy summer ahead. I had a real moment of sadness today when I learned my buddy on my fertility website is not pregnant. I was so upset. I know that God has a plan but she has been through so much. We really do go through this together. I don't know how she stays afloat handling chemical pregnancy after chemical pregnancy. I pray God gives her strength. This is just so hard for us all! I really pray we all on our site get our hearts desire this year!